Milestones not passed
Sometimes, like most people who lost their parents too young, I wish they were still around.
For me, it’s usually when a niece or my nephew does something awesome. Or just plain exists. My youngest niece occasionally takes my breath away in pictures my sister takes, where a gesture or a knowing side-eye smirk at the camera or just a sweet smile reminds me so much of my mother. The fact that both of the girls are all about the glitter and pink would amuse the heck out of mom, as well. None of us were particularly girly as kids. I guess it skips a generation. Sometimes my nephew does sweet things that reminds me of our dad, and then I want both parents to be able to see. Dad’s been gone longer, and it takes different things to make me want to show him things. More often it’s artistic or light (the sunset, the sunrise, the way light is breaking through clouds and bouncing back off water to bounce again like a giant soft fill) or just landscaping. Sometimes I draw something well enough I just wish I could share.
Or there’s a movie I want them to see. Or a musical taking the world by storm. Or a game. Or any number of things really. Sometimes I just want to ask “Hey, how did you make this dish” or “You know, I think Sister would love to touch base with you about something, but she’s probably been too busy to call” or “come visit! I want you to meet my sweetheart so much”.
Mom’s birthday is tomorrow. She would have been 70. A grandmother of 3 smart and beautiful kiddos. There are new fur-babies in our lives and we’ve lost some she knew and cared about. I’ve gotten re-married; and she would be so pleased, relieved and content to know that. At least she got to know him. We’re looking at buying a house, before the year is up. She’d be so happy we’ve been able to save. She’d be happy knowing that she’s helped make that possible. She’d be totally clueless about my work, and she’d find it completely hilarious (as do I) that I mostly work in accounting when I detest math in general as annoying and nonsensical. She’d be happy that my sweetie’s work situation has gone back to a field he prefers and that he’s doing well in it.
There would be things she’d worry about, because of course she’d worry. She’s a mom. Same for dad.
For now, I’m going to focus on hoping she’s somehow aware of the good things coming up and happening. Happy birthday, a little early, mom. I love you.