There needs to be a word for the need to cry that is not emotionally based.
All week I’ve been fighting a medium grade urge to cry. It’s not depression, exactly. It’s just this physical sensation of needing to cry. My sinus cavity, the back of my eyes, my throat being tight and the weight on my chest that all happen when something very sad make me dissolve into a puddle of ugly angry upset sobbing tears.
Except I don’t.
And I don’t even know why I’m having those sensations exactly.
At one point, at work, I had an almost ah-ha moment that pointed toward New Job and Co-worker Interaction Stress as a strong contender for the Why. And then it fizzled out as a good fit and I still was upset. A friend and I tried to remember if there is a triggering anniversary setting me off I’ve forgotten, but typically August is a non-event month. There was moving and stuff but that’s not usually trigger-y.
So I don’t know.
I feel alternately alone and stifled with too many people. I feel needy and too independent. I feel like I need a good long hug from my dad and a lot of ridiculous giggling with my sister over nothing specific.
But mostly, I feel extremely frustrated (nigh to the point of physical violence) for not knowing why I have all these feels.
I am tired. I want to sleep and be able to just be. Without the urge-to-cry hiding around every damn corner. It’s not even sadness. It’s just the physical ache of needing to cry. And I’m so very tired of it.
I hope it goes away soon.