Jiggling Nuisances

This post is mostly musing whining about boobs and bras.

So. Feel free to skip if that sounds like something you’re not interested in.

I am not a small breasted woman. On most days, I will look vaguely surprised if it is pointed out that I have large breasts. I know a lot of women whose boobs are much larger, or at least appear that way. (Sometimes breasts can appear larger because the woman herself is simply taller and broader shouldered than me, and my brain goes “she’s bigger than me, so her boobs are bigger” while completely ignoring actual volume and mass, for example.)

I am on the short side of average, at just under 5’3. I used to claim I was just plain short and then I started paying attention, and I’m not really, for my area. Where I grew up, in Texas, I really was fairly short. But I’m also curvy, pudgy, and overweight. My extra weight distributes in the usual places. My stomach, my thighs, a bit in my upper arms, and my boobs. I do not get extra weight in my butt where it would be useful as a counter-weight, nope. So, in general, I look kind of proportionate but roly-poly like a teddy bear.

I haven’t been able to see my feet while standing and fully clothed for most of my adult life. In most commercially produced bras that I can buy off the rack, I can fit into a DD, although if I measure myself using UK standards I’m probably something in the E to F range. There are at least 6 inches in difference between the circumference of my ribs and my breasts.

So what’s all this info about? It’s to explain that when I say that sometimes, when I walk down the hall and I’m looking down because the halls are boring and I’m not in the mood to make eye contact with random people at my office complex, I notice that my boobs jiggle. Kind of a lot. Since I wear supportive undergarments (read: bra) to try to avoid this, I find this annoying. Sometimes I can adjust the bra by hooking my thumbs around the outer underwires and intentionally hop/shaking my chest and they settle back where they should be, but eventually the “padding” that keeps them fully lined means they’ll scoot toward mono-boob/pushed-up position and they will jiggle.

I can appreciate breasts. They’re curvy and kinda soft looking, and in general we assume they probably smell nice. Because talc or perfume or just being clean. And I get that the jiggle can be hypnotic. If I’m wearing the right bra and the right cut shirt, I can even sort of understand and relate to how that happens, especially if I’m being dissociative of myself (which I am probably more often than I should admit). But in general, my first reaction is to huff and try to shift the unruly appendages back into place.

I HATE sports bras. They are uncomfortable and no matter how much they are advertised to have breathable material or separating spaces they. Do. NOT. I will get either mono-boob, very sweaty, angry welts, or all three after wearing a sport bra for more than 30 minutes, and if I’m WEARING a sport bra, I’m more than likely wearing it for an event that requires me to be in it for at least an hour of actual sport-like activity.

There are times when wandering around sans bra sounds so amazingly wonderful. I do, at home, in private, where only the cats and my hubby are. (Sometimes when siblings are around, even.) But in public? There will be jiggling, sliding, and general misbehaving of boobs. The ONLY plastic surgery I have ever seriously considered that was drastically changing was reduction surgery.

I know I can’t be the only girl to feel this way. I suspect I react this way because movement draws the eye and frankly, I don’t want attention I’m not actively soliciting and it feels like I can’t control the solicitation. At the same time, I sort of resent that I’ve picked up this avoidance mechanism. I like wearing pretty lingerie if it’s pretty, but then it often isn’t supportive. I like being a girl most days (let’s not get into other bits of biology, because then I don’t so much like being a girl). But really? Is it to much to ask bra designers to just design the damn garment so that boobs stay in place without feeling like you are also being suffocated? ‘Cause I’m sorry, even the ones that are “guaranteed” not to have all the negatives? They totally have negatives.


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About amusedreams

Semi-Geek, Bibliophile, Cat Person. I post about life stuff. Music, books, food, wine, CHOCOLATE, and geek stuff.

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